Am I Allowed to Be Alright?

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It feels so strange having posted something about losing my mom finally and then going back to posting unrelated things. I always think too much about how things look from the outside, how hard it might be to make sense of them without context. I wonder if it seems too sudden to have such unrelated things together.

For over a year, I felt like I couldn't speak publicly because I was too sad. I was thinking about missing my mom constantly and couldn't put anything out there for anyone to see. I still miss her every day, but I'm starting to recover enough that I can do and say other things too, and I have a lot to catch up on. My mom raised me to always look on the bright side of things, and I know from every word and action of hers that she would want her family to enjoy our lives fully, even while missing her. Every day I'm so sad not to have her with me, but at the same time I'm able to enjoy the people around me and the things I get to do. Healing is an uncomfortable, mysterious process with pains of its own.

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